


a red, red rose

by yuuri_on_crack



Series: Akigetsu One-Shots (Toxic Violin Man and Toxic Drummer Man Need Therapy) [1]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Almost but not really, Blood, Blow Jobs, Cutting, Gaslighting, I Don't Even Know, I hate them but I love them, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Metaphors, Mild Smut, Neck Kissing, Panic Attacks, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Toxic Relationships, Understanding, aki needs to take a fucking nap, akigetsu, almost, but really, not a lot of detail, they need to break up but they don't won't can't whatever, this got way out of hand, this is a mess, toxic kings, ugetsu needs therapy, we got lots of that folks, yall suck get help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28397673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuri_on_crack/pseuds/yuuri_on_crack
Summary: Then, out of nowhere, Ugetsu’s thorns dried up and fell off. He was all velvet soft rose petals in Akihiko’s hands. He would spout venom into his open mouth, leaving Akihiko helpless. Every day was worse and Ugetsu became more and more violent until suddenly he was on his knees and sucking the poison straight out of Akihiko and applying a balm with the gentlest of stares and touching him like he wasn’t some fucked up failure. Like he was the entire universe and Ugetsu was making a god out of the sun that was Akihiko’s love.----a one shot about these toxic fools who are so in love it cripples their existence, but it's fine right? Everything's fine.(Author's note: it's not, pls don't model any of ur relationships off these two pls and thanks)
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Murata Ugetsu, Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki, mentioned
Series: Akigetsu One-Shots (Toxic Violin Man and Toxic Drummer Man Need Therapy) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079792
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	a red, red rose

**Author's Note:**

> use caution - mentions and descriptions of self harm, domestic violence, sexual situations, toxic relationships, mild gaslighting, an almost panic attack - pls let me know if there is more i should tag - again, read with caution and discretion - take care of yourselves pls

“You really had to go and make this about you, didn’t you?” Akihiko spat, but quickly averted his eyes. Looking at him made his blood boil further and he didn’t want to be angry. He didn’t want to get so out of control that Ugetsu felt cornered. That was when his boyfriend turned housemate turned fuck buddy or whatever the hell he was… that was how he got violent. And self-destructive. And that was the last thing Akihiko needed tonight.

“You’re the one who asked for my help. You wanted me to listen to the band rehearse, right? Well, I did. Sorry you can’t handle a little truth,” Ugetsu retorted, mindlessly flipping through stacks of sheet music and not even sparing Akihiko a passing glance.

The drummer sighed. Ugetsu was wrong. He  _ could  _ handle the truth. He knew his playing was off tonight. Fine. So what? He’d heard much worse from the man before. This was about his band and he’d be damned if he stood by and let them take the venom he himself seems to perversely thrive on, like a complete fucking masochist. 

“You’re- That’s not… He’s a kid, Ugetsu. He’s got all these issues and he’s-”

“Just like me,” the violinist finished, finally locating the piece he was looking for. Akihiko stole a glance. Ysaye. Figures. Ugetsu continued, indifference floating among his words, “Fragile. Tragic backstory. Overly emotional. He’ll be fine. A little criticism could help him. Thicken up his skin. Maybe if I’d had someone like that in my life at his age, I wouldn’t be such a fuck-up and a complete ass.”

“You’re an ass because you like being an ass, U. You like to watch people suffer. You like to watch people suffer the way you suffer.”

“And you would know, hmm?” Ugetsu shot him the most frustratingly coy grin, eyebrows raised just a hair. Akihiko maybe would regret his words later, but for now, he was just seeing red and a shape like his ex-not-ex-lover. That was all.

“We aren’t talking about this right now. Look, just get your head out of your ass for one minute and listen.” Akihiko was becoming increasingly restless. He needed the little brat to just shut up and absorb what he was saying for once. 

“Please, Aki. You have my full attention,” was his smart-alicky reply.

“Leave Mafuyu alone. Be nice to him. And Uecchi. I won’t tolerate anything else. If you have something to say, say it to me, at home. I can translate it so it’s a bit nicer.”

Laughter. Akihiko ground his fists together in what he hoped was a subtle manner. He was going to lose his temper very soon.

“I promise, I’ll be nice. Constructive criticism is what you want? I can do that.”

Akihiko felt his guard begin to drop, but the glint in his ex-boyfriend’s eye meant that he wasn’t finished delivering the onslaught he’d begun. This was but a reprieve of kindness before…

“But the bassist? He’s a big boy, right? I can be mean to him, hmm? I’m sure he could take it.” Ugetsu was walking over to Akihiko, slowly creeping into his space. The taller man bristled. He felt paralyzed, like some helpless animal being stalked. “But then… you already knew that, didn’t you? Tell me, Aki…” He felt hands wind around his waist and lips on the shell of his ear. “Does he like when you’re mean to him? Huh, tough guy? Because I know I-”

“Knock it off, U,” Akihiko began to protest, but his body remained still. He was rigid, but he could never resist Ugetsu’s touch. It was just so… natural for him to respond with a preen, closing his eyes into the feeling, no matter how irritated the words coming from the other man made him.

Ugetsu’s laugh rang through the dark basement apartment and Akihiko could have sworn the sound emitted a bright white light. Suddenly, he felt something soften in his heart for the man. It was like his offensive statements toward Haruki dissipated, but then…

“Okay, fine. But surely he could take a harsh critique here and there, hmm? I was only trying to help his atrocious sense of rhythm. Besides, I’m sure he goes through much worse heart ache every time you turn a blind eye to his obvious crush on you and come home to fuck me.”

That was it. Akihiko rounded on the brunette and picked him up under his thighs, so the smaller man wrapped around him like he belonged there. Which… Akihiko hated the fact that he did, but he did. 

One hand supporting Ugetsu’s weight, he pressed him against a nearby wall and roughly grabbed his chin to meet his eyes. 

“Keep his name out of your mouth. I’m not going to tell you again,” Akihiko growled, not sure if he wanted to truly threaten the man as much as he wanted to fuck some sense into him. The way Ugetsu poked and prodded at every weakness Akihiko possessed was dangerous. In fleeting moments when Akihiko felt he could rebel against Ugetsu’s grip on his entire life, he sometimes wondered, what if he just fought back? Why did Ugetsu feel like he could push Akihiko the way he did? Shouldn’t he be afraid? Akihiko could easily snap the older man’s neck or break every little bone in those prodigy hands, yet Ugetsu continued to tease and torment and outright humiliate Akihiko. 

He felt a hand palming his growing erection. 

Right. Of course he didn’t complain. The sex was too good. 

“Aw, c’mon, Aki. You know you love me.”

Ah. That too. As much as he loved leaving little bruises on Ugetsu’s hips and bites on his neck, he could never actually hurt the man he was holding. Every broken mug, every bleeding wound Ugetsu inflicted upon Akihiko, every ruthless word…

It all faded away when this bastardly divine creature in his arms said his name and looked at him like he was now, eyes boring into the deepest parts of him, that normally he’d keep hidden. No one could break him down to this atomic level of vulnerability like Ugetsu.

Akihiko didn't answer the man. He just couldn’t. Not tonight. Not now. And fuck, he still wanted to continue their conversation, he did. But, of course, he didn’t. Instead, he dove in to kiss Ugetsu. The slide of their tongues felt like war, as did everything else in their relationship. It was always a battle, but given the choice between this and peace… he’d take every heated push, clacking of teeth, and claws ripping their own permanent paths down his back every time.

Panting, Ugetsu pulled away from Akihiko’s lips and trailed sinful swipes of his tongue down the other man’s neck. “You know I love you.”

Fuck. This always happened. At least every few weeks. They’d go through the motions of everyday life, fucking here and there, but mostly just the normal interactions that housemates conducted. Rehearsal. Errands. Jobs. It was fine. Consistent. Consistently turbulent and full of Ugetsu’s mood swings and occasional outbursts, but Akihiko could handle that. Then, out of nowhere, Ugetsu’s thorns dried up and fell off. He was all velvet soft rose petals in Akihiko’s hands. He would spout venom into his open mouth, leaving Akihiko helpless. Every day was worse and Ugetsu became more and more violent until suddenly he was on his knees and sucking the poison straight out of Akihiko and applying a balm with the gentlest of stares and touching him like he wasn’t some fucked up failure. Like he was the entire universe and Ugetsu was making a god out of the sun that was Akihiko’s love. 

“Please, Aki. I need you to…” 

Their lips joined again, and again Akihiko heard, “Please. Say it back.”

Sometimes he liked to try and see how long he could resist falling back in love with Ugetsu. 

“I love you.”

It never took long to find himself praying at the altar of Ugetsu’s love, too. Ugetsu loved him, sure. But he had music, the violin. At the end of the day, Akihiko had… this basement and the love he made in it with Ugetsu. That was it. That was all.

“I- fuck,” Ugetsu was frantic and couldn’t seem to stop giving attention to Akihiko’s neck, nipping up and down, peppering the underside of his jaw with little bites. Akihiko moaned low and walked Ugetsu over to the bed, lying him down gently. He knew the man well enough to know when to fuck him until he can’t stand straight; his eyes told him he needed something else.

Ugetsu lifted his head, those pleading eyes begging the man lying across his chest, “Please.”

Akihiko laughed in defeat and reluctant fondness, signaling for him to lift his arms. Ugetsu was practically mewling as Akihiko started to undress him.

“I love you, okay? Of course, I do. Fuck, U. You’re...”

“Can you… I’m sorry. For being shit. Just can you please-” Ugetsu was babbling. He got like this sometimes. Needy and desperate for validation both physically and emotionally. It was these times when Akihiko knew he needed to transfer that guard he always kept up. He needed to move that wall, or, more correctly, move Ugetsu to his side of the wall. Sequester him from the world, hold him and protect him from the media, his parents, university, his demons, whatever was plaguing him. 

“C’mere. Take these off,” Akihiko offered, pulling Ugetsu’s pants down so that he was bare in front of him. When he got like this, Akihiko knew what was next. He only hoped this time might be different.

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t.

Ugetsu moved to try and cover the fresh scars covering the tops of his thighs. He never cut his arms for fear he’d hit a nerve and fuck up his violin career, or so he told Akihiko. And had been telling him since the first time he’d seen him naked when they began their relationship. Now, years later, after a break-up, (but never a goodbye), Akihiko wondered if his presence had helped the man or just made things worse. 

However, right now, with the man he loved first and might always love, here beneath him with fresh cuts… Akihiko didn’t have time for that or any kind of self-indulgence about what he could have done better to help Ugetsu.

“No, shh.” he whispered, brushing his cheek with a kiss. The cuts weren’t deep and looked to be about a week old, already scarring. Had it been a week since they’d been intimate? Akihiko cursed himself for not being more diligent in looking after Ugetsu. Then, the younger man found himself performing motions he’d done a thousand times before, ducking to gently kiss the wounds, lapping gently at them and soothing a path down over the old ones. Ugetsu’s legs were quite literally covered in the lines, or so it seemed to Akihiko. He pushed the nausea and anger down. Focused on healing Ugetsu. Repenting for how he’d neglected him when he needed him. 

“You’re okay.”

A final kiss to his freshest, longest cut.

“Beautiful.”

A nudge against the inside of his thigh.

“Worthy of love, U.”

A stripe up the underside of his half-hard cock.

“My love.”

Ugetsu was straining, responding beautifully to Akihiko, but there were tears tracking down his cheeks.

“Aki, please…”

Akihiko was only giving him kitten licks and kissing his thighs reverently. He was going slow, only to soothe Ugetsu with minimal physical affection and pleasure. He was giving him the chance to back out and talk about why this relapse had happened. Glancing up at him, Akihiko stopped his ministrations. “Do you want to-”

“No.”

Akihiko complied because he knew that after they’d made love and had a bath together, and after Akihiko had properly tended to his wounds so they wouldn’t get infected (which Ugetsu himself, after all these years, had never seemed to learn, or want, to do), the man would relent. In the darkest hours of the night, pressed together like they’d been born that way, Ugetsu would whisper to him. He’d let his demons out for Akihiko to bottle and toss away for a while. Morning would come and Akihiko would get up early and find the newest place Ugetsu had hidden his razors and toss them out. He’d come back to bed and kiss Ugetsu awake. They would make love again until Ugetsu cried and came harder than most times, simply due to emotional exertion. 

Then, he’d feel it. The exhaustion. Akihiko was exhausted. But he would take exhaustion and battles and relapses and awful words about his friends and feelings of degradation and worthlessness. And he’d stay. He would stay and stew in all these terrible things with Ugetsu. How could he not? Ugetsu couldn’t escape his poor head, so why should Akihiko get to? How could he leave him to suffer alone? For Akihiko, life would go on around him, but he’d stay here paralyzed with the first and only man he could ever really love. 

“I’m unloveable, right? That’s why you stay. Who else would do it, huh?” Tears and sarcasm leaked pitifully from Ugetsu. Akihiko ached at the sight, at the sound, so he kissed every drop away. Like a starved man, he loved, craved everything Ugetsu had to offer. The salt. Hearing the dripping sarcasm that matched the tears in their salinity. He fucking loved Ugetsu and there was nothing he could do about it.

“I love you. So it doesn’t matter,” he said, kissing Ugetsu’s forehead. “Don’t worry. I’m here.”

Akihiko allowed his eyes to slip shut again. It was too early to be awake. He could go into work later. He could practice every instrument he kind of played and be a mediocre fucking musician later. He could go back to fucking random women later. He could go back to dreaming of sunflowers and long hair and pining for a man he could never have later. He could go back to worrying about the next time Ugetsu would kick him out and how he would have to sell his body for a place to stay- No, he had to stop thinking. He couldn’t have a panic attack now. Right now, his heart was the soil that kept Ugetsu - his maddeningly sublime, thorny, precious rose, who blushed so beautifully for him just after he’d draw blood - rooted to the ground. He existed to support Ugetsu’s life, his art, his music... no matter how pathetic he knew it was. He was good at it. And he liked it. Needed it. He needed him more than he’d care to admit.

Some soils just grow certain flowers better than others. Sunflowers could grow here, he thought, sometimes, whenever he heard a certain bass line that struck him. But, fuck if he wouldn’t be a terrible host. He’d let him down; Haruki deserved better.

Somehow, Akihiko knew he could only really give Ugetsu what he needed... no one else. They deserved each other. He knew that.

It was a shame, probably. But Akihiko couldn’t see that beyond how thoroughly fucked and in love he was.

So this was his life. He wore Ugetsu’s love like a bloodied badge of honor. 

If it was pinned into his flesh, who was he to complain?

He knew how to patch up a wound.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed - kudos and comments are always appreciated! Have a lovely day and please take care of your mental health and love yourselves okay I love you thank you for reading bye


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